By Tracy Crump 

When I was caring for my parents and later my 100-year-old mother-in-law, friends would ask how they were doing. Sometimes, they even remembered to ask about me. 

“Fine,” I’d say. 

“Be sure to take care of yourself. Get plenty of rest and do something fun.” 

Right. 

I appreciated their concern, but unless someone has cared for a loved one long-term, they don’t understand. In many ways, we caregivers belong to an exclusive club, one with our own language and struggles and needs. 

And that club is growing. According to AARP and the National Alliance for Caregiving, approximately 53 million Americans provided unpaid care in 2020, and the number continues to soar with life expectancies increasing and Baby Boomers aging. 

Caregiving is stressful and exhausting. When author Craig von Buseck worked as a hospital chaplain, the sentiment he heard most often from caregivers was “I’m so tired.” Yet we often hesitate to complain or reach out for help. We’re “fine.” 

How can we decompress and get the rest and rejuvenation we need? 

Grab a minute 

When my mother-in-law went on hospice following a major heart attack, we had to get up with her several times a night. It was like having a baby in the house, but we were no longer thirty-something parents. Fortunately, my husband and I could tag-team on care and also take turns napping when needed. Lone caregivers don’t have that luxury. 

Grab time when you can. Take a fifteen-minute power nap while your loved one is sleeping or being bathed by a hospice aid or otherwise safely occupied. Laundry can wait. Your health can’t. 

My husband and I also grabbed short opportunities to sit outside, take a walk, or watch a 30-minute show. Exercise and nature are particularly invigorating, but anything that diverts your attention for a few minutes benefits your sanity.   

Accept help  

One summer, my mom was in the hospital for a solid month, and I stayed with her 24/7. Every few days, I had a meltdown from fatigue. A friend offered to stay one night so I could go home and rest. “Oh, no, I’m fine,” I said. What? Thank goodness, my friend insisted. The break helped me renew my strength for the next stint. 

What if no one offers to help? Ask. You might be surprised how many people are willing to give a little time so you can have a respite. 

As King Solomon said, “Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up” (Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 NIV). 

Laugh 

Laughter is cleansing. Read a funny book. Watch a funny TV show or movie. Recall funny family stories. These are things you may also be able to do with your care recipient. That way everyone wins.  

So to answer the question of who takes care of the caregiver, you do. But sometimes we just need permission to do it.  

Tracy Crump worked many years as an ICU nurse. She has also been a caregiver for her now deceased mother-in-law and mother.  

Tracy writes a blog called Caregiver’s Corner. See it at  https://tracycrump.com/blog/ .  

Purchase Tracy’s Book Here

See another fantastic post on this topic Lana Christian wrote at https://tracycrump.com/when-the-caregiver-needs-care/.